I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
