so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I AM VODKA MAN
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
