Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
