dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
