Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
