A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
