hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm too high and old for this...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
