so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
