I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
