Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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