peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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