Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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