Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
try to milk me bitch
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