No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you win again, gameday.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Naked. naked and bneed help.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
