So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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