I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
