he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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