You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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