if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
barbara walters just said penis...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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