she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
