hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
