she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
