I wish my penis had an off switch
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
