You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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