You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
