Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
