He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
