my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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