I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
