Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
