oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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