A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So vagazzling was a success
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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