Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
