did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
