what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
