i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
