Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
