Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
