i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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