Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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