i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
