Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
