My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
