i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
