i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
