he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
