I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
