remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
