I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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