i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
