yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
