if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
