He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
