Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
