he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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