I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
