I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
