We got so high we made milksteak
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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