Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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