Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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