Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
