This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
