i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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