my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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