I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
