the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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