your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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