Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
