I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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