he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My liver is preforming stress tests.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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