I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
