my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
