It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
