Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
