I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
