I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
