Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.