i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.