the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.