You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?