Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.