Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
