She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
