Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
