I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
